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I’ve discovered a new love.  Just yesterday I was sitting at my desk working away when I had the most delicious thought — wouldn’t it be fun to draw on the windows?  So that’s just what I did.  I took my pack of Crayola (washable) window markers and graffitied to my heart’s content.  And oh was it fun.  I was so pleased with myself.  So pleased, in fact, that I expanded my operation to the kitchen window facing the driveway.  Knowing that my husband would be pulling in I wrote in all caps: DARRELL IS HOT.  I don’t know how amused he was with it, but I, for one, couldn’t have been more tickled with my handiwork.

Here’s to new loves.

I have fainted a total of 3 times in my life.

The first time was when I had a cold and could barely make it out of bed and up the stairs.  I went to work anyway and fainted in the copy room.  I was told I passed out quite gracefully, as if sighing.

The second time I was feeling perfectly healthy.  I accompanied my colleague to the cafeteria at work and fainted waiting in line to pay for my bagel.  Lots of people came to my aid, including paramedics who loudly asked questions like, “Could you possibly be pregnant?  When was your last period?” for all my work associates to hear.

And the third time I fainted was today.  I was talking on the front porch with my neighbor.  Luckily I was working from home today, so it was pretty easy to take it easy.  Still, it was a little strange and a little embarrassing.

Over the years I’ve learned a few things about fainting.  The first is that if you’re going to faint you should definitely try to do it at work, that way no one will EVER question your work ethic.  The second thing I’ve noticed is that you have a split second or two before you faint in which to spare yourself passing out completely.  All of a sudden I’ll feel really hot, woozy and unsteady.  Here’s a video of a man who fainted on national television and could feel it coming.  Some people find the clip hilarious, but my guess is that if you’ve ever fainted before, you probably wouldn’t be so amused.

Still, I think it would be cool to be able to faint on command.  Imagine all the uncomfortable situations you could get out of (and into).  If your boss won’t give you a break at work, take your own.  Want special treatment at a major tourist attraction?  Tired of waiting in line at the airport?  Fainting could come in really handy.

You see, when it comes to fainting, everyone takes it seriously – and rightly so.  Depending on where you fall, you can seriously injure yourself (think corners and hard floors).  Other times fainting can be a sign of a deeper health issue.  In my case it’s just a random vacation here and there.  I’ve read some articles that say fainting can happen as a result of stress, anxiety or excitement.  I like to think I keep all those things in check, but perhaps not.  Maybe I just like to spice up my daily routine a bit…by leaving it unexpectedly.

Moral of the story?  I think I’ll opt for taking good care of myself and selecting my own means of excitement — the kind that doesn’t involve losing consciousness.

When it comes to music, I’ve always liked girls and guitars.  There’s something soothing about a female voice accompanied by the easy strumming of the guitar.  Or even sometimes the racing, too-fast-to-follow strumming, as seen by the likes of women like Ani DiFranco and Erin McKeown.

In college I became a follower of Dar Williams, who infuses catchy or beautiful tunes with well-written, clever and often poignant lyrics.  What woman doesn’t need to hear that she’s aging well, better things are on their way, and that the world’s not falling apart because of her?

Of course one can’t forget the Indigo Girls.  I like much of Regina Spektor’s work – though she plays the piano, not the guitar – she’s great in concert – lots of attitude and style.  I think Feist is pretty phenomenal and loved seeing her perform in an outdoor setting.  I used one of KT Tunstall’s songs as my own personal theme song for a while.  I was introduced to the work of a British gal named Sandi Thom whose song “I wish I was a punk rocker” never fails to get me dancing or clapping or bobbing my head.  I’m not sure if she plays the guitar; she’s amazing regardless.

The other night when I needed something for my melancholy mood, what gal with a guitar came to my aid?  None other than Ingrid Michaelson.  Most people know her for the song “the way that I am.”  I think maybe it accompanied a sweater commercial for Old Navy.  She’s also had a few songs featured on the television show “Grey’s Anatomy.” I don’t have the musical vocabulary necessary to describe her voice.  So I’ll keep it simple: I like it.  I like her music and lyrics.  Last night I especially liked singing along to “Be Ok”:

I just want to feel today, feel today, feel today
I just want to feel something today
I just want to know today, know today, know today
Know that maybe I will be ok

(It’s very catchy – trust me.)  I also appreciated the good reminder from “Keep Breathing”: All we can do is keep breathing.  “Die Alone” always appeals to me with its, “I’m just a stranger, even to myself/

A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.”  And it’s with good reason people love “The Way I Am”:

I’d buy you Rogaine when you start losing all your hair
Sew on patches to all you tear

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise
And you take me the way I am

Other than her music, you might be surprised to know the thing I like best about her: glasses.  She wears glasses.  And she plays the guitar.  And she sings and writes her own songs.  And she’s a girl.  In other words: cool.  It has been my general observation that when you find yourself listen to a glass-wearing girl playing the guitar, you’re usually in good hands.

Like last April (2008) when I attended her concert.  She did not disappoint.  Clever, funny, original, and an incredibly good singer.  Thankfully I’ve got her albums.  You just never know when you need a guitar-playing girl.

Dear Blog,

It’s not that I don’t appreciate having this delightful forum on which to vent, share my observations and generally feel important — I do.  But sometimes, especially as of late, I haven’t felt so important.  That might have to do with the absence of clever quips here on aesmith.org.

It would be another story if I had at least been ticked off or worked up about something — then, dear blog, you’re the perfect outlet for my anger.  (Have you noticed that I’m extremely effective and convincing, not to mention rather funny, when I’m angry?  I really like that about myself.)

Unfortunately I’ve just been, well, bland.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, lots of interesting experiences and observations and people have come my way as of late.  For one reason or another I just haven’t felt inspired to share.  Truthfully, I haven’t felt inspired to do much lately — and that’s truly unusual for me.  I am, after all, an expert enjoyer of life.  I’m also the queen of remedying what ails me.  I even keep lists of quick fixes in case I ever forget.  (My husband has a copy in case I lose mine.)  I’ve gone over the usual cure alls with absolutely no interest.  Weird, huh?

So what’s a clever gal like me to do?  I’m thinking of painting the wall a cheery shade of red.  Perhaps it’s  time to tap the creative juices to find out what floats my boat these days.    Could it be that I’ve (gasp) changed?   I did just have a birthday.

Whatever the case, loyal blog, I just want to say that all is well and always getting better.  Thanks for understanding.

Sincerely,

Audrey

p.s. In case you were wondering, blowing bubbles is an instant pleasure maker for me (and yes, I liked it long before Oprah ever wrote about it in her magazine).  This is a picture I took of one of my Ghanaian friends in Atabu, Ghana who became a bubble expert in no time.

I’m glad it’s June.  May exhausted me.  Just to review:

- I went on an incredibly fun road trip through New Mexico, including a stop at Mesa Verde National Park on the way down.

- I came home to learn that my boss is moving to China.

- I wondered if I still had a job.  I was very calm about it, actually.  Then I wondered if I even wanted the job.  Then I found out I’m being promoted.  Then I started to worry a little.

- I celebrated my birthday.

- I performed in a dance recital.  Yes, that’s right, dance recital – you know, with little girls in tutus and adoring parents in the audience.  I tap danced.  And I even had a speaking part (my teacher said I did a very good job).  I’ll be writing more about that later.

- Of the many young couples in the neighborhood, I discovered that my husband and I are not considered cool.  This should not come as a surprise to me.  I’ve rarely been on the cool team, after all.  Well, hey, the cool kids can have their fun together.  I’ve been on Oprah.